2012

Current trends suggest that every year is both harder and more amazingly wonderful than the last. Such was true of dear 2012.

For time and sanity I'm going to be brief. Also, I'm going to try not to be sentimental, because this year was so packed and wonderful I could easily torment you with my feelings. ;-) And I feel like I already did that raving about various New York adventures. Then there was Aisha's wedding and Family Camp and Rachel's visit and a thousand other things that were so very close to perfect, they may be dangerous to talk about.

Here are twelve brief thoughts from last year in no order of importance. They are also thoughts I want to remember and remind myself of for shiny, new 2013.

1. Feed your brain always. When I feel dead, beat down, foggy-headed, what I probably need is a good dose of something thick and chewy like Ecclesiastes or John Donne.

2. History is one of the most exciting things in the world. The end.

Postscript- In history we see don't just what people believed but how they believed it, not just with their heads but with their hands, their feet, their blood, their souls.

3. I used to think that things needed to be saved, especially creativity or special moments, but now I know God is enough and way bigger than any plans or ideas I can possibly have in mind. God lavishes ridiculously and does not let us get over thrills, but only gives us deeper, crazier ones.

4. God cares about the fatherless, the widow, the orphan...the lonely, the hungry, the hurting. I know this because I have felt it, and I must be reminded because I need to care about these people too. Sometimes they are not who I thought.

5. God is about filling up. We should be about pouring out.

6. People are not trustworthy, but the Holy Spirit working in them is. The only important thing is the work of Jesus in someone. Not where they have been or what they have done. This is the only way to have a relationship of trust.

This was head knowledge for me. I say, in God we trust...but now I'm trying to live like it is true.

7. Don't tear it down. I need to care enough about it to build it up if I think something is wrong. Don't run over the people who are trying, instead dig in with them and get my hands dirty.

8. Jesus is the Mediator...of everything. He is the quickest way, and often the only way, between two people.

9. Our hearts should become bigger and more squishy with each sorrow and joy, not harder. Jesus has given us the answer to suffering and shown us the wildness of joy.

10. We're supposed to love in a way that means getting hurt. And we can afford it because we have all we need. Love like Jesus. Bleed.

11. The Church, the Body of Christ, my dear brothers and sisters, is a more massive blessing than I can ever fathom. God has taught me so much through you all, particularly you in my own physical church. Your impact on my life and the love you lavish on my often thick and ungrateful skull is quite beyond my comprehension. The conversations, encouragement, and exhortation I have been given this year has been a huge part of the complete, devastating blessing of 2012. God is so good. And He so often works through imperfect but loving, gracious hands.

12. The Gospel is freedom. Live and fight and dance in that.

New York

I've visited Pennsylvania many times and she is the very best in October (or so my mildly limited experience tells me). Oregon fall is beautiful because there are deciduous trees and evergreens setting each other off in amazing ways. Also, there is Portland. But Pennsylvania is stunning because it almost entirely sheds summer onto old, expectant graveyards, brick buildings, and long driveways. Yeah, we'll have to talk more about Pennsylvania another day...

This year, I met New York City. And then I came back for a visit and to see just how she looked in the fall.

I know it's horribly mainstream to fall in love with New York... But I could be happy in Brooklyn forever. (Of course, I could be happy almost anywhere I've visited, country or city  :-P, however, Brooklyn does thrill my soul. ;-)

Snapshots-

-The death march of the abundant suitcases and treasure hunt for the subway elevator.

-People--in your way, under your feet, over your head, in your face.

-Phantom of the Opera. Hated the movie. Loved the musical. Once in the second row and once along the wall of the balcony. 

-Times Square at midnight. (And over a dozen other times.)

-Reading about someone walking down King's Highway in my Potok's words while the Subway pulled away from the King's Highway station.

-Reading John together in Trinity Church cemetery and Central Park.

-Seeing friends before and after their wedding. God did something mysterious and is doing something awesome with that grounded romance. J+J, you guys are real and beautiful!

-Worshiping and fellowshipping with newly met brothers and sisters and in a dozen different accents.

-Listening to a concert in a crowded park feeling very pale and uncharaismatic. 

-Watching Aisha spazz in the Lindt store. 

-The Cyclone. Both times with people who said they would never ride a rollercoaster. 

-Listening to Dylan's Tempest in the airplane, the train, the subway.

-Sushi in Little Italy. Yes, we went to Little Italy twice and ordered sushi. But don't worry, we experienced the Italy-ness as well. The best pizza I have ever tasted was down the street. I thought I was ordering a slice and they brought me a whole pie. I'm told their desserts were good too. Also, much energy and arm waving from Italian waiters. 

-Visiting Redeemer Church.

-Seeing Suzy go nuts with her camera all over the city. 

-Tasted gelato for the first time ever. Two scoops of it made out of fresh milk, chopped mint leaves, squeezed lime, and white rum. First ice creamy substance since October 2010. Not that I'd remember...

-Nearly getting run over by individuals jogging with strollers across the Brooklyn bridge...

-Lingering over Memling, Caravaggio, and hundreds of other gifted, amazing paintings. Like this one. Or this one. And so many others. Makes you think about things differently. Makes you see how important art is.

There were a thousand other things too, of course. My idea of seeing the world is going somewhere and really living there for awhile. Holding still and absorbing it. Writing in it. Reading in it. Talking in it. Listening to the violinists under the bridges and standing in the dirty ocean.
But since my Mumsie is an expert planner and efficient world traveler, this last time in New York we saw so much! It was pretty amazing. And I am thankful. :-)

We were there just a few days before Hurricane Sandy. Please keep all the people who's lives have been so changed in your prayers. It's going to be a mess for a long time, and there will be scars left over.

Please pray for King's Chapel, Pastor Troy, and all the saints there who are laboring to help those effected by the storm. They have been and will be continuing to proclaim the Gospel in a tough missionary field.

Thanks for reading,
Bethany

Pictures from my amazing sister. She'll be posting much more about NYC sometime, I'm sure. 

C. S. Lewis penetrates another thick skull

Have you ever read through a book where you've had to set it down and just pant for a bit, perhaps roll your eyes and holler at a family member about some recent tidbit that finally penetrated your brain? They might nod their head and smile condescendingly, probably because it's the same concept they've been trying to explain to you for six weeks. The instant I finished G. K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy I simply had to run wild in the backyard, jumping on the trampoline, picking roses (bloody fingers to show for it), and swinging into the overgrown cherry trees. It was serious.

I listened to a lecture recently where the speaker was saying how we couldn't get away from language or words. But not because we're chained to the ABCs and semicolons. Spoken words and black scribbles are our wings to fly.
So, there...you should feel like a lunatic feather dancing around your backyard after you finish a good book. ;-)

I reread Mere Christianity this summer and I as I was tearing through I could barely believe I'd heard this stuff before...even though I know more people than just C. S. Lewis have been trying to smash it into my concrete noggin. I recently got over my moral qualms about writing in books, which means this tome is crowded with underlines, exclamation marks, smiley faces, lopsided stars, scribbled margin notes and questions for C. S. Lewis whenever we should meet.

One of the biggest points in Mere Christianity that really whacked me over the head this time, was an extremely obvious concept that shapes all of Christian life—becoming like Jesus.

Don't judge. You know how you can read something once and then another time and swear it was worded differently the first time? Really we are the reordered words.

One of the passages in the Bible that tries to tell us about all this, is Ephesians 4. The Apostle Paul talks about what we were, unbelievers walking in all sorts of sin. We can't live that way anymore (v 17), so God is doing something new in us, remaking us in the stature and fullness of Christ (v 13). This is what's happening now and what we will be like in the future. 

Being a Christian is following Jesus, continually putting away the old self that doesn't belong to us anymore, reshaping our thought processes and the eyes through which we see the world, and aggressively putting on the new self—holiness and righteousness—the likeness of God. (v 22-24)

Much of C. S. Lewis genius is encased in his ability to write out an illustration of a familiar or maybe difficult concept in a manner that brings it home in an entirely unique way. And that's what he does here. From cover to cover, Mere Christianity sketches out and puts some flesh on our calling—the Spirit recreating us to be like Jesus. Not simple adherence to a set of rules, but instead a life that is more like a painting of a portrait. Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in Discipleship that we are not to be ruled by our conscience, but by the will of Jesus. As days and times of sanding and remolding go by, the character and shape of our Savior becomes more and more evident in us.

If this is the goal—if this is the single purpose of new life—than we must pray for, seek, and encourage this “infection.” Every thought, word, and action should be a reflection of Jesus, the true, real New Man. This is about doing what we know as right even when we don’t feel like it and it is about totally recreating our impulses. 

What we do when someone demands our time, accuses us, cuts in front of us on the highway. How we act to unbelievers, to children, to our friends. It not only changes our actions, but turns our thought patterns upside down (or right side up, as the case may be).

Jesus is our Savior, and also our teacher, our model, our entire curriculum and key to understanding that world.

You may say (especially if you are in an English frame of mind)--this all sounds very cheeky, pretending we're Jesus. It is. We're hopelessly confused and messed up and all gritty with sin. But this is exactly what God commands—Be like Jesus. Don't worry, I planted the virus and I'm going to make sure it takes over. Keep your eyes on Me.

"God looks at you as if you were a little Christ: Christ stands beside you to turn you into one. I daresay this idea of divine make-believe sounds rather strange at first. But, is it so strange really? Is not that how the higher thing always raises the lower? A mother teachers her baby to talk by talking to it as if it understood long before it really does. We treat our dogs as if they were 'almost human': that is why they really become 'almost human' in the end."
-C. S. Lewis

He can and will make us into brilliant mirrors reflecting Christ's character and light when our eyes are focused in the right place. This isn’t “mere” Christianity. This is radical. 

Most of us have Mere Christianity sitting on our shelves. I recommend you pick it up an read through all those bite sized chapters.Most everything in this post is stolen from Lewis' chapters Faith, Toy Soldiers, and Let's Pretend, and he says it all so much better.

...thus rambles my slow brain. Grateful for great men and a mind capable of growing.
God is good.
The Gospel is endless
and beautiful.

Struggle, Joy, Hope

These thoughts from a friend were very convicting. Very timely.



Dear Miwaza has been a wonderful blessing to me. Praise God for what He is doing in her and with her life as a witness and encouragement to others.

Check out Miwaza's website. :-)

Pessimistic Prayer?

If this post seems to ramble into smoggy introspection, stop and imagine me hitting my head against a crumbling brick wall. Perhaps you may hit your head against your desk a few times to get in the spirit... Here goes.

I am a naturally gifted pessimist.

I'm beginning to think that writing is an outlet for my imagination which dutifully produces horrifying calamities. It could also play into the majority of my characters dying...

The last couple years I've been convicted about prayer. It's still a battleground I am trying to indulge in night and day. I have to say that sometimes it sounds like the least appealing thing to do, but like most things God commands, it is also a unfathomable blessing...and rather addicting. God is merciful to make our erratic, painful, stutters morph into joyous habits.

Recently I have woken up to a disturbing personal trend. I am properly horrified. I continue to be shocked at my shock at God's direct answers to prayers. Right then, right there. He'll even rub my face in it when I trudge along staring at the mud. 

God's answers to prayers are often rather roundabout (thankfully there not what I might call down). Sometimes the answer simply is “no” and often “patience”, but sometimes God really does delight to answer them right there...right in my face.

At the beginning of the year I like to take a few days to obsess over generally unrealistic goals and plans. This year my Mumsie handed me a newly discovered sheet of paper with a host of open-ended questions. I attacked it with pleasure, compiling lists of things to do, skills to cultivate, and relationships to work on. I neatly skipped the first question, but since then I've come back several times. I am puzzled over my inability to answer a simple question.

What is the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year? 

It remains unanswered. A large white space...seemingly raising its eyebrow and staring critically into my soul. ;-)
Why do I have such a hard time with this question? I mean, there's plenty of things I want God to do that are impossible. That's not the the issue... Or is it? Maybe we should define “impossible.” And maybe I should ponder what kind of relationship such a word has with my all powerful God...

When the rather slow moving side of my head wakes up and says “Maybe I should be praying about this instead of waving my arms and shouting”, I should, can, and do stop and pray. But with twisted, cynical satisfaction, I continue to plan for the worst possible circumstances. I do not look for God's answer. What's with this? Don't I believe my Father overflows with steadfast love? Don't I believe my Savior conquered “impossible”? Don't I realize I have been given the the already inconceivable gift of prayer to bring thanksgiving and struggles to Him?

What kind of prayer am I praying?

It certainly doesn't seem to be the kind watching with bated breath for the moment God will move Mount Fuji. It might just take a volcano to get my attention.

This might just play into my pigheaded inability to "dream big".

It's scary to think the impossible is possible. 

It's considerably easier to plan for mud when it's raining. But it doesn't mean there's a year of mudfest ahead. It might mean tomorrow is spring. If you insist on tromping about in rubber boots, you're going to miss free bare toes in the grass, the dirt, the gravel. If you carry an umbrella to protect you from the rain in your head, you're going to miss the sun altogether.

But I digress...

Maybe I should stop and pray about this...
To my God who is beyond my understanding. Who has had every moment planned out for me...not done in for me. 

Various Notions about 2012

A whole new year. While...at least most of one. Can it possibly be February?

I guess there are many unknowns to every year...well, every moment. So this post is simple ideas from someone who has no idea what song will pop up next on Pandora, let alone what her 2012 is going to be written like.

Last year I would not have dreamed of crawling into nine different airplanes and spending one weekend at home all summer. I'm not sure I would have ever planned such a thing, but I'm glad for every day of travel and busyness that made up 2011.

Once upon a time I believed I'd rather die than tutor...this year I started teaching and shocked myself for enjoying that too.

You get the idea... Life is strange.

This year should be tamer in one respect. You can't afford to traverse the earth every year. :-)

Anyways... This post has been in the works for weeks. The real point point is to talk about writing. Here are my writing goals for the year-

1. Finish my nonfiction book for our business. Like FINISH. And PUBLISH.

2. Complete the rough draft of Where Loyalties Lie.

3. Write a 100 page screenplay.

4. Submit at least 12 articles or pieces of poetry. Get published once.. :-)

5. Attend another multiple day writers' conference.

6. Write 24 poems.

7. Read a book a week.

8. Write letters.

9. Post on this here blog once a week.

10. Clean up a novel or short story enough to submit somewhere.

And all that, combined with the rest of this life, should keep me busy!
And, my #1 goal this year... Be willing to change my plans for the better ones God shows me through His faithfulness. Not clutch my ideas when He's got better ones. Learning this... learning this...

Now... on to regular posts again.

Thanks for reading,
Bethany

Dr. Seuss Haunts Me

Listening to Bob Dylan and wallowing in curriculum seem to be persistent themes for me these days. A new tutoring job involving less savory subjects than creative writing has added some running about, study time, and many, many books to my life.

That is my excuse for snubbing the arrival of 2012. My next post will endeavor to give it due thought... And try to rescue this blog from its current sentimental tendencies.

First, but means of house keeping...

I thought the world should know that my most visited post is still One Fish which is now well over 10,000 views.

Recent comments, especially on Dear Last Year have been very encouraging. Thank you, people!

In celebration of my new job, I received a Dr. Seuss journal. It is very bright and beautiful betwixt all my Eiffel Tower notebooks, journals, and stationary.

While downtown, I bought an extraordinary mechanical pencil of extreme awesomeness. It is so fancy I just recently found the eraser. I used to be addicted to mechanical pencils. They seem to hold the key to algebra and geometry. But after a few peaceful years without such horrors, I'd forgotten how vital they were. I guess I had become solely dependent on my Waterman, but mechanical pencils make reviewing and teaching algebra so much better. This distinguished fellow needs a name and title.

The Erratic Muse was on my "possible let go list" for 2012 while I was trying to organize, prioritize, and balance life. It did, however, make it through my ruthless refocus and organization. My plan is to post once or twice a week... hopefully something a little more thought provoking and interesting than this poor thing.

Thanks for reading. :-)

Dear Last Year, I'll Miss You.

Life, you are so busy, wonderful, and complicated
and
my God is good. Always.
So ends 2011.

To give this year a full review would be beyond human capabilities. It was, after all, just another year, but a full, blessed, previously unimaginable one. I want to write it all out and keep it forever...but that isn't feasible or probably helpful, so here are merely a few mildly random snapshots-

-Roadtrips with people I adore...windows down, music blaring, insane laughter until we howled in pain.

-Sitting on a dead redwood writing anything and everything on anything and everything.

-Scribbling clumsy poetry while knee deep in ocean waves.

-Powell's. Portland. I have no more words.

-Writting my main character's last words in St. James cemetery.

-Starting the thirteenth beginning of Where Loyalties Lie, aided by the epicness of Joe Hisaishi.

-Falling head over-heels in love with Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Not in a creepy way, I assure you.

-Climbing hundreds of steps to see Gdansk from St. Mary's tower.

-Huddling in a circle on the floor while plenty of couches sat abandoned, staring at a candle while everything around us was dark in the rain and wind, laughing and talking with my sisters until.... an undisclosed hour.

-Walking down the beach with both of my sisters and realizing that we did, in fact, grow up.
At least so it appears.

-Watching dear friends fall in love, get engaged, get married, show the world that love isn't what it thinks it is... it's something bigger, more terrifying, more wonderful, harder, more rewarding.

-Singing Psalm 34 with my two year old niece. One of the cutest most beautiful things ever.

-Staring at the stars from an Idaho golf course. Perfect moment chiastically flanked by sprinkler attacks.

-Being wildly proud of my little sister who graduated with flying colors. Then sniffing (aka sobbing) over Chipotle guacamole all the way home for no apparent reason. My poor mother.

-Sitting on the hard floor in our dark room clad in a sweater big enough for you, your laptop, and your pillow pet and writing pathetic prose until you think you can finally sleep...or the sunlight creeps through the blinds and tells you the moment you'd been madly chasing is gone.

-Singing everywhere possible in Poland.
Spending two weeks with an fantastic group of people. Learning to talk and walk outside my comfort zone. Gaudete will never be the same, you most wonderful, lovable, memorable, beautiful hymn!

Most goose-bumpy vivid moment of the year (possibly ever)- singing We all Believe in Malbrock Castle. No way to explain it.

-Walking through silent Gdanks trying to remember all of Hamlet and wishing it could last forever. Then staying up all night with Rachel the magnificent...trying to make it last forever.

-Seeing Les Miserables live. Burst into tears after the first chords. Screamed until I was hoarse at the end.

-Driving the car with leather gloves. Yes, this was on my bucket list.

-Watching my brother marry the woman of his dreams. Miss my brother, glad he has the rest of him now. :-)

-Rereading Chesterton's Orthodoxy...three times. Rocked my world, smacked me on the head, and then had me running around the back yard with my best banshee impressions, picking roses with bare hands, and jumping on the trampoline with a retarded grin.

-Many, many late night conversations when the only options are honesty and insanity.

-Seeing people and doing things I didn't think were possible.
So thankful for friends and for family and for family that are friends and friends that are truly family.

Lessons learned and learning...

-You go places. You meet people. You leave. You miss people.
It hurts.

-Relationships take work. Hard work. Sweat, tears, and lots of laughter.

-Never take myself too seriously and never take what I'm about too lightly.

-Faith isn't a band-aid.
It's more like an intensifier.
Sorrow hurts like hell.
Joy can turn you into a wild lunatic...or make you want to sit completely still in a corner and wonder until your head explodes.
It can also make you sick. And want to be sick forever.

-Real, tangible Hope that you can touch, feel, and taste gives you the highest high of all.

-Light shines whether we have the sense to look for it or not.

Welcome 2012.
What adventures and craziness can you possibly hold that will outshine last year? I'm pretty sure I'm unprepared, but I'm ready. :-)

Praise to a God beyond our imagination for the plans He has had for us since the beginning of this wonderful, swirling, terrifying, exhilarating world.

Drugged on Bookstores and Poetry

Many things happened last week (a thoughtful blog post not included).

Noteworthy incidents involved happy moments in two different book stores...and the spending of money...and the bringing home of books. More Chesterton, Wodehouse, Doug Wilson, Dr. Leithart, Dianna Wynne Jones, and Ray Bradbury.

I also picked up my first Billy Collins book, Ballistics. I think I discovered some poetry that my Mumsie actually likes. :-) Dance of joy!

So far, none of the following poems have captured me like the first, but the whole book is worth this one...

August in Paris

I have stopped here on the rue des écoles
just off the boulevard St-Germain
to look over the shoulder of a man
in a flannel shirt and a straw hat
who has set up an easel and a canvas chair
on the sidewalk in order to paint from a droll angle
a side-view of the Church of Saint Thomas Aquinas.

But where are you, reader,
who have not paused in your walk
to look over my shoulder
to see what I am jotting in this notebook?

Alone in this city,
I sometimes wonder what you look like,
if you are wearing a flannel shirt
or a wraparound blue skirt held together by a pin.

But every time I turn around
you have fled through a crease in the air
to a quiet room where the shutters are closed
against the heat of the afternoon,
where there is only the sound of your breathing
and every so often, the turning of a page.

Rambles on Love, Water, Trees, and a Paccaris

This is the year of roadtrips and this post is now horribly overdue. It's been locked in solitary confinement in my draft folder, and it now deeply desires to see the light. So here goes...

One Thursday we began our California adventure centered on Ellen's beautiful wedding in Sacramento.

My California experiences have been limited to Disney Land and several flights into San Diego for cruises. Most of it is uncharted territory.

Our first stop was at the Winston Wild Life Safari where we road camels, were attacked by an emu, fell in love with a stuffed leopard, and gawked at giraffes, bears, lions, yaks, and countless other creatively assembled critters.

We rolled into Ashland and satisfied our hunger with pizza, salad, and a Shakespeare faced cupcake. We were in town long enough to see several terrifyingly wonderful book stores and discover that Ashland is full of arty people of a very different type than Portland...Let's just leave it at that.

We only had time to see Loves Labors Lost, which I read in air conditioned tranquility on the drive down. They did well and humorously (although they explored awkwardness I was blissfully unaware of in the play...some of it primarily exhibited by a excess of men's tights and Russian dancing). They set in the 50s, which I enjoyed.

Loves Labors Lost is fairly new to me, but now it really has me thinking...what was Shakespeare trying to say? I wonder what he thought the conclusion was...judging by the name, I don't know. Another rambling post to come one of these days...

We finished the distance between Ashland and Sacramento Friday, and reunited with people from our own church. Monstrous jolly since I hadn't seen some in ages since I've been elsewhere. We invaded a sizable portion of their Best Western. We explored the gigantic mall and generally had a good time.

Saturday Ellen got married. It's still hard to believe. She was the stunning beyond comprehension and everything was beautiful and good and I wanted to weep through the whole ceremony and beyond. But I didn't of course. I was the soul of propriety. ;-)
 It is most strange to have a friend who is Ellen somebody one minute and Ellen somebody else the next. One minute single. One minute a wife. Marriage and love are most distinctly peculiar. And good, of course. :-)

Well everyone disembarked from our Best Western to enjoy Letherbys, the legendary ice cream world, I stayed back to work on a writing project, got nothing done, and went to bed ridiculously early.

It was wonderful to worship and fellowship with Church of the King on Sunday. Another reminder of the blessings we have as one body!

Sadly, we had to get back on the road and didn't have a lot of time to hang out. We stopped a couple podunk towns, and one of the million Clear Lakes of America...which was not even remotely clear, but had a beautiful dock and nearby green grass and prickles to run about in.

We arrived at a beautiful inn in another small town where we had enough time to read a bit, email important people, befuddle the vending machine, write, and watch a girly movie together before giving into sleep at a decent hour.

We got moving on Monday soon enough to visit the continental breakfast where Mama's toast took a flying leap to freedom...a noteworthy and startling event.

We spent 12 hours on the road, primarily starring at big tree. The Redwoods truly are beautiful. I think my next writing trip scheme should include running off into one of the parks and living under a dead log (preferably with internet access). I like open spaces, light, and big hills, but there is something very peaceful, quiet, and promising about a tree that's been going steadily upwards since the signing of the Magna Carta.

We stopped at one park long enough for me to climb up on a fallen log with journal, pen, and Bible and sit six feet above the dry forest bed and do some scribbling.

The Redwoods are good for thinking and they seem to be good listeners too. If you need somewhere to think some serious thoughts, find a stalwart tree-friend, carve your name, or get dizzy in record time, go to the Redwoods.

We visited a strip of California coast, but just missed the sunset and any California warmth.

Our next stop was in Bandon and late into the night after much confusion and turning about, a restaurant with salmon that was indeed food of the gods. We ran wild on the beach for the morning and then visited another miraculous wildlife safari where we got to cuddle with eight week old Bengal tigers, an eleven week old leopard, be thoroughly disturbed by various monkeys, stare into the jaws of a yawning lion, and fall in love with the simple attraction of noteworthy pig, apparently called a Paccari.

Going back to Bandon and ridding horses on the coast is a future must.

We drove all the way back to my brother-in-law and sister's house that night and stayed up way to late talking and staring at the stars on their deck.

After a week that involves much more car travel then generally considered appropriate, it was good to be home. An awesome adventure that now seems like a few years ago. It's been a crazy, glorious summer.

Life is good. Even with all its so very not good moments.

The end.

Lost in a Mountain of Books

Strahov Theological Hall - Original Baroque Cabinet
(What my room does not look like.)

I've been a bit more erratic than usual, so here's a variety of excuses.

A long time ago I made a pact with myself that I would review in some manner every book I read. This accomplishes several things.
1) I'm forced to think about what I've read and come to some sort of conclusion.
2) I don't waste my time on books I don't think are worth reviewing.
3) I have a good catalog of my book list, changing taste, and hopefully maturing opinions.
4) I get to bore all my blog readers to death.

Life has made reviews difficult lately, so I have a monstrous stack lined behind my computer waiting for review. The following days (perhaps weeks) will include some tedious bookishness, but I also want to talk about seeing Les Miserables (swoon), various Shakespeare plays, multiple movies, and something squibish on our trip to California.

Because of business with other writing projects, don't hold your breath for any original posts (not that you would). I'm going to try and post twice a week...possibly more or less depending on what I've been reading or watching lately.

So if there is a flurry of activity and it all seems a bit dull it's because I'm trying to fulfill my pact and keep up with myself. I've had doubts about continuing this blog. Its continued existence hinges on the personal benefit I get from having to think through things like book reviews.

Yesterday I decided to reorganize the various shelves of books that dominate our room. Volumes from Borders' sales were still sitting around homeless. Carrying around stacks of books made me giddy and I reached for a pen and paper to create a current book list. I finished with 150 titles. Yeah...there might be a lot of book reviews in the future.

Somehow, no matter how I arrange my books...by author, subject, title, height, or color, there's still not enough shelves.

Other recent activities include reorganizing my life and priorities, involving a great deal of painful decisions. making lengthy lists, schedules, and a shiny new budget. How am I possibly going to fit in all those books? I have a book to get to the publisher! And when is my story going to get done anyway? And the Romeo/Juliet/Hamlet screenplay is sad and lonely, scrawled in a chiastic structure in the closet.

In some ways it feels like summer hasn't begun, but so much has happened since winter it can't possibly be anything but the end of summer. Next week is September. Take a deep breath. Life will go on...

Random thoughts from Idaho

I spent several hot days in Boise and Moscow this month. I was very blessed to be able to attend a friend's beautiful wedding and visit people I haven't seen in half a decade.

Most of the time I felt like I had the IQ and social graces of a delinquent moose, but God knew I needed the break from normal life.

And because lists are so handy and random...here's just a few highlights.

-The wedding.
It is always magical (not in the fairy-dust sense, but in the gut wrenching, awe-inspiring way) to watch two committed people who have waited, worked, and listened to council, finally stand in front of a body of believers and declare their love to each other. Suddenly your friend is a Mrs. Somebody. It's crazy.
God is good...and love is both beautiful and terrifying.

-People.
I got to see dear friends and old acquaintances. I got to meet lots of new people. Generally I had an awesome time with good conversation, arguments, and brainstorming with funny, wonderful, intelligent people. :-)

-I spent a large part of my time writing on my current project...which isn't going so well...fyi. Writing and reading in various coffee shops was a sweet break. I spent a few days living in Bucer's. I shall miss it.

-Stargazing late at night after tromping through a damp golf course. I saw three shootings stars and managed to close my eyes at just the perfect time to miss the other dozen. Froze to death and had an amazing time.

-Singing.
Singing in Friendship Square, singing in a resthome, singing on the street, singing in church. All good.

-The moon.
Saturday night, there was the most glorious moon creating stunning lighting with dark clouds. I could have stared at it all night, but Benjamin and Susannah were there to talk me into being rational.

-Play structures.
Personally I love swings and all play structures no matter how small. Unfortunately, no one would brave them with me...Susannah...Bobbi Jo. Hem hem...

-Saturday picnic with a mob of NSA types. Awesome opportunity for conversation and people watching.

-My brother and sister came Saturday and we had a wonderful time bashing about and laughing continuously around Moscow. We had a delicious dinner in Bucer's and then watched a movie in the park on Benjamin's laptop. I have a pretty awesome family. The end.

-Picnic Sunday afternoon at the Arboretum with some wonderful ladies...and Benjamin, of course.

-The drive home. My tummy muscles are still aching from our laugh-a-thon.

-Everything and everyone else. Basically, it was awesome. :-)

It's good to be home and see the rest of my family...to be back in Oregon where there is moisture in the air and the weather stays reasonable.

Whenever you leave, you get a perspective coming back. Here are a few things I noticed--

-Portland is green. No...really... As soon as you see signs heading towards Portland you go from brown to green with some other bright colors mixed in.

-I need more book shelves.
This is my conclusion nearly every day, but especially after coming home from anywhere...and especially after visiting a few too many book stores.

-Our water tastes the best. Not open for debate, simply true.

-My room is mild wreckage. I need to throw out a quarter of it and reorganize the rest.

-My whole life needs some reorganizing. What am I trying to get done anyways? Why do I like so many different things? What's important? How am I actually going to get anything accomplished?

-I am truly allergic to animals. How inconvenient.

-Bumpiness don't go away when you leave and come back, but you do get new perspective. Time to jump back into reorganizing my room, life, and relationships.

Despite the fact that sometimes I just really didn't think God had done His planning right, I know that He did. Seeing friends again, getting my mind cleared out and refreshed, working away from home, and coming back to beautiful, green Oregon with all these people I love is just the thing I needed.

I'll need to go back and visit some amazing people in Idaho again soon. :-) That's the problem with going anywhere...then you have more people to miss. Thank you so much, all of you who made my stay awesome. I am very grateful for the past two weeks

The end.

A few thoughts on Poland

Currently, my life has involved a lot of travel (if you hadn't noticed by the silence). Sometimes that means writing and reading get left behind, and other other times, they get accelerated.

 Peter Mahar Photography

There is no simple way to explain my two weeks in Poland. God was very gracious to us and gave us the weather, people, and opportunities He knew we needed (even if it wasn't what we thought we needed).

He brought together over 35 people from multiple churches and four countries, all united under one God.

Our main ministry was traveling as a choir, singing on the street, and handing out invitations to our evening concerts. During the evenings, we would perform about 45 minutes worth of music with a 15 minute sermon. In the rain our attendance wasn't so great, but some days we were blown away by the people who stopped, listened, and wanted to talk afterwards.

The CREC Churches there are struggling for fellowship and encouragement. Many have very few children in them and people are just beginning to pioneer homeschooling. Watching the Polish saints' humility and unapologetic living-out of the Gospel as missionaries in their own country, was both convicting and inspiring.

The days I will remember most were the ones where we sat in one room with people from over four countries speaking one common language in worship. Christ is victorious. And with Him, and only Him, there is true unity and fellowship.

At one meal, I ate roasted lamb with people speaking Russian, Japanese, Ukrainian, Polish, and English to communicate in whatever way possible.

Miwaza Photography and Design

God is good.
He blessed us so much...I hope we were able to encourage and bless the Christians in Poland as well. Experiences, lessons, friendships and strained vocal chords that will last a lifetime.

We're planning and praying for another trip in 2013. Lord willing.

I am so thankful that God made it possible for me to go. I was pushed way out of my comfort zone, stretched, challenged, and amazed at every turn. I have been blessed beyond measure, over and over again.

I could say more. But if you're really all that interested, you could read Reformation for Poland or Evangelos, and I could get some sleep.

Blogging Break

I just got home from an amazing week at our annual Church Family Camp. What an excellent reminder of the encouragement, safeguards, and challenges of community!

I have two things that should be, Lord willing, accomplished before I renter the blogging world around July 14th.

1. My book, Called to be Fruitful Now will be at the printers.

You have no idea what freedom and ecstasy this will give my spirit!

2. I will be back from Poland a (hopefully) wiser, more experienced, probably exhausted person.

Thank you so much to those of you who have already been praying and showering me with encouragement. Your support is greatly appreciated. I continue to covet your prayers for our team!

You can keep up on news and updates from both of the following blogs-

You can also like Evangelos on facebook to get recent picture updates.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers. I look forward to sitting and writing some more thought through posts when my break is over. 

Thanks for reading. I'll be back in July. :-)

Miss Pickwickian

I am going to Poland.

On June 27th. It's so close, I can't believe it.
You've probably heard me talk about it in passing, but it's time for a full fledged post.

Everyone! I AM GOING TO POLAND!

It is a two week mission trip with other members of our church and other CREC churches in late June-early July. We're traveling as a choir of sorts...singing on the street and in a more formal concert stetting in the evening.

Poland is 90% Roman Catholic. It's not the sort of Roman Catholic you probably are thinking of. There really are indulgences posted on churches. Poland needs the Gospel. We'll be working along side pastors and churches our church has been involved with before.

We need lots of prayer and encouragement. Please help us by praying that God would open doors and give us the right words to speak.

You can learn more about the trip at Reformation for Poland and Evangelos. We'd greatly appreciate it if you can help tell others about our mission by word of mouth or by posting links on your blog/facebook. We want a lot of people praying and we want to alert others to the need in Poland.



<a href="http://polandmission2011.blogspot.com/"><img src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd15/riversong14/ReformationforPoland.jpg" /></a>

There is so much to think about and accomplish.

-My book is oppressively looking over my shoulder, daring me to open the file and bash it into submission with the million and one edits it requires. That's my biggest deadline horror.
Besides the fact that it needs lots and lots of help internally, I still don't have a title or cover design.

-Many select sheep need to be managed and ready to sell. Lambs are ready to be separated etc...

-My room is still in the middle of reorganization.

-I need to get past the fact that the new episodes of  Sherlock aren't coming out until fall. Cwy.

-I need to work and make some money. :-/

-Practice our music and work on our Bible. I just need to learn a lot in general. I so do not feel ready for this!


Blogging may be touch and go for awhile, while I focus on other duties. If you're interested in what's going on for our trip, please visit Reformation for Poland (which I will hopefully be updating regularly) and Evangelos (which should have some epic pictures and videos).

Thanks for reading,
Miss Pickwickian

Editing and readjusting my Mind

...with the mall, my sister, and 50 cent elephants

Earlier this week we spent three beautiful days in Lincoln City writing. I know many of you are probably hideously jealous... But the actual writing part wasn't all that dandy.

I'm on the fourth round of edits for my current nonfiction writing project and it's complete torture. For some reason this book has been extremely painful to write. And you can tell. I'm pretty sure the whole things sounds like someone typing while being hung by their toes.

My deadline is June 10th. I just know I'm not ready to write this book.

Thank God for other people! I have gotten so much input on this project. I am so thankful.

Many people have met with me, emailed me, talked with me, and advised me. And if it all turns rotten, I'm just going to blame it on them. ;-)

As in most things, my sistah friend (a.k.a. Polka Dot/Susannah) has been a huge help. (And yes, I did pirate the above picture directly off her blog.)

We went through the entire manuscript word by word. It was abstract, she made it personal. It was drab, she made it shiny. It was dull as tombs, she made it bouncy and lively. She can think of just the right word or phrase without even pausing. Why is it that writing comes so easy to those who don't even want to pursue it?

After sending the poor book back out for feedback, we packed our suitcases and hit the outlet malls. Susannah found one of those elephants you put quarters in so kids can ride...and yes, she did it. Only it wasn't meant for someone as tall as 5'9". An elderly man walked past and kept looking around and hollering, "That's too funny." So much for being discrete...

We came home and had internet again and Blogger was shut down for over 24hrs. Nice.

I tutor writing on Thursdays. I love writing with kids. They don't bang their head against the table and moan (generally), they just write. And it comes so easy and beautiful and imaginative! I can't begin to explain how teaching writing refreshes, encourages, and readjust my head about the whole thing.

You don't want to hear about our Clackamas Town Center adventure...that's a completely different story. ;-)

Let's just say it's been an interesting, wild, productive, and learning week. In the midst of a beautiful insane weekend, I am going to think about this--

Why is writing so hard for writers?

I think my mind needs some editing.

Thanks for reading,
Miss Pickwickian

Various things that have been occupying my brain and time...

Life is busy...

Here's a list of items I want to get to on this poor blog but I'm not. Sometime... When life slows down. ;-)

Book Reviews

-Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper

-The Cross Centered Life by C. J. Maheney
-Prayerbook of the Bible by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

-Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas

-Reformed is Not Enough by Douglas Wilson

-Her Hand in Marriage by Douglas Wilson

-Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Movie Reviews

-Red Cliff 2008

-Agent of Grace 2000

-Megamind 2010

-Numerous others, but that's all I've watched recently.

Art

-My sister is seriously getting good on portraits and other artwork. For my birthday she pen and inked and watercolored a beautiful picture from Howl's Moving Castle and Les Miz. She's now in the middle of a portrait of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. :-)

-Mumsie drew me an awesome portrait of Claus von Stauffenberg (not Tom Cruise...the real guy).

-My art is still in the cartoon stage. ;-) But I do want to work on another "picture book".

Music

-An unhealthy addiction to the Howl's Moving Castle soundtrack.

-Some awesome hymns and Psalms we've been singing recently. Most notably, Mark Regan's arrangement of Rock of Ages. Love.

-My current interest in music from India.

-Ten minutes when I can write something songish in the midst of unquenchable inspiration.

Various other things.

-I have listened to some seriously good sermons recently. I would love to think through some of my notes!

-I am leaving for Poland in two months for a two week long missions trip! I can't believe it is this close.

-I am traveling a lot this year. Happy, sad, and excited. Get back to you on that...

-I have a looming and insane deadline on my nonfiction book that is totally stressing me out.

-I am a bad nonfiction writer.

-Romeo and Juliet meets Hamlet needs some work... And I'd love to ramble on about it.

-I have not opened Where Loyalties Lie in all of 2011.

-Les Miserables week seriously needs some planning! At least a blog button.

-I have four giveaways ready and planned... Now for posting and pictures.

Thanks for reading,
Miss Pickwickian

I hope growing up is a lifetime assignment...

I have been beyond the teenage years for three days and I still feel hopelessly slow-witted and immature.

Wasn't there supposed to be some magic positive advancement in my knowledge and conduct?

Seriously...I didn't expect it, but it would have been welcome. :-)

I'm not sure if I ever thought about who I would be at 20. If I had I would have hoped to be a much better Christian in my role as a daughter, sister, friend, witness, writer, and in every action I did. I also probably would have seen myself as published... All because once upon a time 20 seemed so old!

It's not.

And I'm thankful that it's not the deadline for change and growing up.

I still need a lot more time.

God is good...always.

He has all the threads of my life under control and He is there helping and teaching me to grow up. That's going to mean things I don't like, but I want to learn to love them, because they are from Him.

Thank you for reading,
Miss Pickwickian

My Fail

The last week I have been sick, writing, neglecting this blog, and very uncreative feeling.

I got 14,000 words down on a non-fiction project. This project has a big deadline at the end of this week, and so the pressure and insanity are escalating. I will not go into my feelings on the manuscript because they would not be edifying. Instead we'll move on...

I have come to a realization that my biggest failure is almost continually in organization. This does not mean I'm a particularly unorganized person. My desk and bookshelves are extremely organized. It's more like a mental organization failure.

First off, I love way to many things...and when I love something I want to learn all about it and improve my own skills in the area. This is all well and good if you only like a few things, but when you have to obsess over everything related to everything, it get's pathetic. You end up being mildly mediocre at an impressive amount of oddities.

For example- I love words.

This means that I have to read inordinate amounts of fiction, history, poetry, letters, song lyrics, literary fiction, classics, screenplays, stage-plays, theology, teaching, etc, etc...

Oh yes, and it means I have to write about all those things too.

No worky.

Especially if you have forty sheep, work in a home business, obsess over music, help clean and organize a house, try to cultivate friendships, have a big family, adore all forms of art, and simply can't remember anything because you love to much stuff!

I can write in a day. But I haven't figured out how to write, clean the house, and get hay delivered in a day. I can spend time with friends in a day, but I haven't figured out how to spend time with friends, read a book, and work at home in a day.

My pathetic mental juggling abilities are most evident when I sit down to write. I have a two page squib on identity and I can't figure out where to start unless it's with a five-hundred page introduction on systematic theology.

I like to know stuff and learn more about it, but I haven't quite mastered getting it in order in my head.

I want think so things make sense.

Instead I try to organize something and I can't figure out how I can mention it without talking about every single thing it relates to.

I'm a big picture person without a good telescope.

This is why I love reading authors who can handle this properly! C.S. Lewis, Elisabeth Elliot, Doug Wilson, and so many other writers give me such a good example of clear thinking. They make clear thinking and arguing so obvious.

So, my new campaign is learning how to think and present ideas that make sense!

And part of that is going to be cutting and hacking at my interests and schedule so I can make the most important things get done and get done well.

Wow...Thanks for reading that unclear ramble.

Tomorrow I'll try to share some of my Script Frenzy idea, if that's any consolation.

Thanks for reading,
Miss Pickwickian

Write. Even when it hurts.

"Write"
Necklace by Bookish Charm

The last two weeks have been hectic, but I have just enjoyed a complete day at home. It was marvelous. :-)

I need to rethink my schedule. I need to get more writing time in. There are always those days of insanity or simple exhaustion when there isn't time or energy to write. Lately they seem to be stacking on top of each other and it's hard to make much progress. I think I need to make myself write anyways...even when there isn't time or brain power.

Is the only solution sleep deprivation?

Is it possible to write and not be a zombie? ;-)

Over the next few days I really need to hash this out. How am I going to make this happen? Hopefully you'll see some encouraging posts on this topic soon.

In the mean time...Visit Bookish Charm. :-)

This is a wonderful shop that you will probably fall in love with if you are a word nut.

I have her amazing "Write" necklace (pictured above). I'm contemplating wearing it 24/7 as a reminder. ;-) It's strong, but beautiful looking. At first I was worried it would be to big for me. I'm into smaller, more delicate jewelry, but it isn't too big at all. I like to hang it where I can see it, if I'm not wearing it. ;-)

Some new additions to Bookish Charm have recently caught my eye (like these-- "Not all who wonder are lost" and "All the World's a Stage...").

I will be hosting a giveaway of this inkwell necklace along with a $15 giftcard starting later this week!

Thanks for reading,
Miss Pickwickian